Connected parenting
I’ve been a parent for 15 years and counting, one thing my 4 kids have taught me is that I can say, “Please take down your dirty clothes after you get dressed” every day and it still might not get done. I then have a choice I can punish them for forgetting, or I can help them achieve the goal with maybe a chart or doing it at a certain time, or maybe even playing music every time it’s clothes time. (There will be lots of kits that help kids start to become more independent and ones that will have chore charts.) But there is a crazy third option that your kids will remember for a long time, you could put the laundry bin at the bottom of the stairs and you guys can play dirty clothes basketball. It might take about 5 minutes and you can snap a couple of pictures doing it. Even though we have kits that will help with routine, and empowerment which is so helpful for kids, the heart of this website is to help you think of ways for you and your kid to delight in the time you have together. We are here trying to break the cycle of yelling, break the cycle of the same fight over and over, help to get them talking, help to know when they need space so they come to you for a hug after. At the heart of this website, is my desire as a mom who still continues trying to connect to my kids, to help you do the same.
I’m trying to do the best I can
Connected parenting is prioritizing the relationship you have with your child. It is all about attachment. It is not permissive and it is not punitive. It involves empathizing with feelings while redirecting and restricting behaviors, it is making choices for your family and life style so that everyone can be their best selves. It is understanding what your kid is trying to tell you when they have a behavior and meeting the need they have before correcting the behavior. It is understanding and structure. It is a lot of things that you might not expect and probably not a few you figured it was. The buttons below will give you a better idea of what connective parenting is, the parenting posts are my words and the resources are the experts. Also note that connective parenting requires a lot of the parent. It requires you to understand your own triggers and deal with them, it requires the ability to be calm in the face of disregulation, and it can often requires more time then I am sometimes willing or able to give. Please don’t think of it as something you have to do all of the time, just a new way that you can choose to interact with your kids when you are in a place to do so. Please note that I am not able to do connected parenting with all 4 of my kids in the strictest sense, but we are good at repairing and making up when things go to heck in a handbasket and we always have our memory books to look at when we are all struggling.
I’m really struggling in my parenting
Does your kid struggle to connect?
I don’t have answers. No really…. I suck. Mostly because I swing between really focusing on being connected to my kids and they are super connected back and we laugh and still have problems that we work through and then go back to laughing and I ended up exhausted and in need of lots of self care. Or I try to traditionally parent, still using some connected parent and my kids survive pretty well because we’ve put in so much time connected parenting, but then I notice more behaviors flaring up and I realize they need more time. As this has gone on, I’ve adjusted expectations, asked for help from others to have time with my kids (so they are getting connected and I am getting some space), and I realize that there is no perfect solution, especially for kids that fit in the description above. What I can tell you is that TBRI was a game changer for us (it’s a Connected Parenting method but more). We now have an arsenal of ways to connect with our kids, we fill up their banks and build attachment, and we’ve learned to repair relationships when we mess it up. But to be honest I can’t do it all the time, maybe if I had less kids, maybe if there was less trauma, I’m not sure. So please learn and read, but don’t have expectations of what your family should look like if it’s not possible. Don’t think here at the Connection Keeping house, I will always have pictures and videos that would look perfectly, those are just the ones I post 🙂 !
This is a description of what TBRI is and how it works with kids that aren’t neurotypical or have a lot of healing to do. I would start with getting the Connected Child and the Connected Parent if this video appeals to you.